Self-Esteem vs. Self-Acceptance

Self-esteem and self-acceptance are often confused or even considered identical by most people. Let’s address this misconception by considering some fundamental differences in the nature and consequences of self-esteem and unconditional self-acceptance.

• Self-esteem is based on evaluating the self, and rating one’s behaviors and qualities as positive or negative, which results in defining the self as worthy or non-worthy (Ellis, 1994).

• Self-acceptance, however, is how the individual relates to the self in a way that allows the self to be as it is. Acceptance is neither positive nor negative; it embraces all aspects and experiences of the self (Ellis, 1976).

• Self-esteem relies on comparisons to evaluate the self and ‘decide’ its worth.

• Self-acceptance, stems from the realization that there is no objective basis for determining the value of a human being. So with self-acceptance, the individual affirms who they are without any need for comparisons.

• Self-esteem is contingent on external factors, such as performance, appearance, or social approval, that form the basis on which the self is evaluated.

• With self-acceptance, a person feels satisfied with themselves despite external factors, as this sense of worthiness is not derived from meeting specific standards.

• Self-esteem is fragile (Kernis & Lakey, 2010).

• Self-acceptance provides a secure and enduring positive relationship with the self (Kernis & Lakey, 2010).

• When it comes to the consequences on wellbeing, while self-esteem appears to be associated with some markers of wellbeing, such as high life satisfaction (Myers & Diener, 1995) and less anxiety (Brockner, 1984), there is also a “dark side” of self-esteem, characterized by egotism and narcissism (Crocker & Park, 2003).

•  Self-acceptance is strongly associated with numerous positive markers of general psychological wellbeing (MacInnes, 2006).