Forgiveness Part 2: Empathy and Compassion

Forgiveness Part 2: Empathy and Compassion

By Dana McGee, CIT

Now that we have looked at acknowledging the hurt and accepting that holding onto grudges hurts us mentally let us look into some other steps of learning to forgive and let go of the pain that disturbs our peace. Sometimes we need to look at empathizing and in some scenarios it would not hurt for us to take things in from the other person’s point of view. “Empathy is a powerful step towards forgiveness. When we can stand in the shoes of another person, not justifying their action but seeking to understand it, we gain the perspective we need” (Scott Savage, 2017). These are some powerful, powerful words. Mr. Savage goes on to explain that instead of making the person doing wrong out to be a monster and identifying them as another human who is hurt, broken, and a sinner (like we all can be); we are heading in the direction of finding closure. Empathizing is not excusing bad behavior, it is just a way to allow ourselves to see things in another light and another perspective to maybe gain some understanding of why it happened. 

Finding empathy can lead us to the third step of developing compassion for others. Ephesians 4:32 says “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” Regardless of how hurt we are, how much wrong was done, or how much we want to feel like someone does not deserve forgiveness or compassion; for us to find peace among the hurt we have to. Oftentimes the person who hurt us is also hurting in ways we may not be able to understand. An article in Psychology Today addressing forgiveness and compassion mentions that people who are happy and have not experienced deep hurt, generally do not go around hurting others deeply or on purpose. So looking at the picture as a whole can be helpful to finding both empathy and compassion for others because generally behind every attack, an act of anger or rage, is a story behind it. It is also ok to feel compassion, empathy, and/or forgiveness for someone without completely inviting them back into your life with open arms. The level of compassion and forgiveness offered is up to you and may be dependent on what the act was and who caused it. The question we need to ask ourselves during this whole process, and this will be discussed again in more detail, will verbally telling someone we forgive them do more harm to my inner peace than good?